HOUSE PLANTS...THE IDEAL PET
A houseplant is the perfect pet,
they don't make noise and never poop.
Just give them sun and keep them wet,
since they won't beg, instead they droop.
If they should die if you forget,
just dump their bodies in your soup.

BEHIND THOSE WORDS:
     If you seek a pet that requires the least care, that can be left alone for days without soiling your floors, or scratching your furniture, the best choice could be a houseplant. They are so thankful when you talk to them kindly, appreciatively growing lush and green, say botanists who test these things.
     You can take a houseplant for a walk, and you don't need a tangling, troublesome leash. They will not fight with our people's pets and you don't have to toilet train or clean up their mess.

If you would keep your houseplants green
plant poop with the seed, give water they need,
stir up their dirt and don't talk mean!

MULES
The mule's mother, a female horse,
bred to a donkey, and the source
of faulted DNA, so the mule is gay,
not capable of intercourse.

STUBBORN AS A MULE
The mule is smarter than a horse,
and stronger too, claims my news source.
A stubborn trait defines the mule,
so you convince mules, never force.
That proves mules, smarter as a rule,
since they ignore our ridicule.

YOU ARE A MULE
Your dad's a donkey,
a white face honkey,
and then of course
your mother's a horse
so from a biological rule,
you grew up to be a mule.
You'll never elope
with an Antelope
or be quite sincere
with woodland deer,
you are a bachelor mule
target of coarse ridicule.

BEHIND THOSE WORDS:
     The mule is the result of an unnatural union between a donkey and a horse. Mules have many virtues, but because of their heritage, they are ridiculed. This abuse confronts people with handicaps of birth or circumstance, and we humans are quick to throw out insults.

OYSTERS
All Baby Oysters, don't forget,
must travel by their water jet
to get each place they have to get,
so never forget to keep them wet.

When old they make an ideal pet,
no reason for the least regret,
they are content to simply set
and rely on you to keep them wet

BEHIND THOSE WORDS:
    Oysters make the ideal pet for the harassed family where both parents work. They are much more self-sufficient than cats, and do not crave your affection like dogs. They are not hazardous waste if they should die, as they make grand stew when first dead, or even slightly before their passing. The problem is that alive or dead is not visible to the untrained pet owner.
     You do not have to clean their quarters as their toilet wastes are not even discernible. They do not require much space, even though they are jet powered, and they can squirt around in fairly small circles if they wish to exercise. Mostly, they galumph down in space and glower at the world. If they are irritated, they display their anger or angst by producing a pearl, deep inside, invisible to burglars or covetous neighbors who harbor more conventional pets.
     Housing oysters is simple as any container that holds a gallon or two of salty water will suffice. Unused bathtubs could accommodate a whole herd of oysters. If you are squeamish about sharing your bath with androgynous animals of either or both sex, you might invest in a dedicated bucket all of their own.

       THE OBSTREPEROUS RHINOCEROS
The four legged mammal most dangerous,
     in our zoo is the black rhinoceros,
     because, half blind, they never see too well.
Our keeper says they are herbivorous,
    but their true nature is cantankerous
    and when you're chased how can you tell.
Each June the male rhinoceros turns amorous
     and quite romantically adventurous
     so you should avoid where rhinos dwell.
Escaping from rhinos is most arduous,
     they're so quick, you must be more devious,
     and at right angles, simply run like hell.

BEHIND THESE LINES:
      Our zoo keeper's advice is most valid, as the Rhinoceros has caused more human fatalities than any other African animal. Their sudden charge when irritated, can overtake any human, but the rhinoceros never changes direction in his overwhelming pursuit, so the most evasive act would be to run at right angles to the direction of the rhino's charge. If you discover a rhinoceros that can change directions in full pursuit, it is unlikely that you will be able to report that creature's uniqueness, so we continue to say never.