WHY DOGS WILL NOT TALK
   Dogs, going more than halfway, in their partnership with man, learned to adapt indulgently to all man's peculiarities. For a while they even surrendered silence to oblige man's guttural attempts to express each of his emotions with a particular sound. This early barking and growling served man and dog very well until there was argument over who gave who fleas. Man, who had fingers and could point, won the argument, and dogs no longer cared to argue, dropping their progression in languageand that quarrelsome aspect that forces guilty man to always point at someone else. The central ethic for dogs regarding the man part of humanity became this; If you cannot say anything good, say nothing at all.

WHY DOGS WAG THEIR TAILS 
    Long ago, when man still lived in trees, cats were big as small cows and had teeth, long as large carrots. Dogs were very small and timid, and were the favorite food of those ferocious cats. Because their fangs were so large, cats couldn't fully close their mouth. Any animal that has their mouth constantly open ingests great quantities of dust, bugs and other miscellaneous garbage. Wide-open-mouthed creatures, are plagued with allergies, colds, hay fever and agitated tonsils which cause them to sneeze violently and for long periods of time.
   Then as now, cats were crafty hunters, skilled at sneaking upon their prey. Because it was slight challenge for them to catch their intended dinner, cats have always engaged in release and recapture tactics not intended to torment, but to increase the challenge of capture. Had this not been so, cats would still be giant, sabre-toothed monsters and we wouldn't have any uneaten dogs at all. Because those small dogs hopped along erect, like kangaroos, they needed long tails to keep from tipping over on their nose. Those dogs that tried to escape cats were all caught and ate. Dogs, being smarter than cats, developed a strategy which allowed some of them to survive. They would stop, turn and face their predator, while humbly kneeling with their tail sweeping back and forth. This maneuver never failed to generate enough insects, germs or dust to cause the cat with shorter noses and open mouths, great paroxysms of sneezing.
   Dogs survived, grew larger, learned to run on four feet and generally prospered but they never forgot to wag their tails. And they have never forgotten their enmity with cats!

WHY DOGS PRETEND TO BE DUMB
   Animal Psychologists are unanimous in their mistaken belief that Dogs are incapable of thought. This misconception has been created by the continuing machinations of the canine world who can not only think but plan, plot and scheme. Their apparent subjugation and domestication is but a ruse, part of a long term plan to teach humans to love, other than themselves.

WHY DOGS CIRCLE BEFORE SLEEPING
   Before Dogs became the best friend of man, they lived alone in the wilds. They avoided man because of man's proclivity to eat any other animal that they could catch. When ever dogs became aware they were being hunted, they would confuse their pursuer with false signs. Pursuers only pursue when they feel they have the advantage, being stronger or bigger so the most effective dissuader was to indicate their size as being much larger, than the pursuing hunter cared to could deal with. This was how the trampling down of a large area for their bed began. (The pursuing tracker was to be itimidated by themassive size of a dog's bedding down imprint.) This ploy was so successful at enabling dogs to evade their enemies, thatdogs healthfully survive and most foes of dogs have abandoned their pursuit, however dogs still circle before resting. This now traditional habit, has evolved into variations such as dogs chasing their tails and their quick adaptation to tricks like roll-overs and dogs dancing in circles on their hind legs. Our use of the term tailing is one offspring of dogs chasing of their tails, and the scientific proof of my theory!

WHY DOGS HAVE SPOTS INSTEAD OF STRIPES
   None of God's creatures have recollections of their existence before birth, which does not disprove pre-birth awareness. Do you believe a merciful creator would send his treasured creations out into a cruel adversarial world without a pep talk or a preview of the game plan? Have you ever heard a dog called Stripe? God Warned them that they had the greatest numerical possibility of being called Spot, which would be a stupid appellation unless the namee had at least one spot, they accommodated God by choosing spots on their pre-natal postscript.