Conventional Limericks w/messages...conventional rythm and stress.

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But cheat if necessary!

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
Come back next year, my doctor said,
does that assure I won't be dead?
All over she checked, she must be correct,
so that's why this good news I spread.

GUN TRUTH
Gun owners vote down background checks
thus risking our and their own necks
from the gun happy nuts
or the ignorant putz
the second amendment protects.

DELIVERING DEATH
They love Allah and daily pray
but Arabs in their brutal way
killed sinners with stones
but Killings with drones
sure won't make us better than they.

MERELY A GAME?
Our mess is more than men can fix,
So lets not talk of politics
unless you can bring
a magical king
who'd bring together a fighting mix.

MITT CHANGED HIS MIND...AGAIN
Mitt Romney is a hypocrite,
claiming his own plan he would quit,
but not from the cost,
his compassion he's lost
so in t-party, he will fit.

NEWT NEVER SINS
Gingrich, a consummate hypocrite,
as Catholic, strays quite opposite
but those debates he wins, with alibi he spins
to hide the fact he's really unfit.

BAD LAW
The Republican's new adulation
is for a people-like corporation
which should not mean much
but penal laws can't touch
a Supreme Court's interpretation.

A pompous conductor named Clyde,
in a rainstorm, ventured outside.
One short lightning flash
turned dumb Clyde to ash,
such a conductor the crowd cried.

TRUMP RAIDS THE DUMP
The T-Party must love Donald Trump
who gathers rascals from the dump
to prove Newt not the worst and get him rehearsed
to start kissing the Donald's fat rump.

GUN DEATHS INCREASE
How do we, this gun violence tame?
When asked, Rick Perry's answer came,
"Be sure everyone always carries a gun
and be sure they hit where they aim!"

TAXING THE POOR
Cain's audacious lust amazes me,
for no human should so selfish be.
His backers must feel
there's more left to steal,
with "American's for prosperity!"

DO YOU LIKE TRUFFLES?
That ugly sound that most folks muffle
is the very necessary snuffle
of my good mannered pig
telling me where to dig
to find that lucious hidden truffle.

SO ASK
I don't claim superior intellect,
but some wisdom I would inject
in those men who lead us
bullets will not feed us
but peace, corporations reject.

WAR FOR ME
If we must have threat from enemies,
why don't we declare our war on these?
Adults who can't read,
starved children to feed
and eliminating each killer disease.

FROG WARNING
I warned the girls in all my blogs,
the danger of kissing bewitched frogs,
but they all did insist
its their right to be kissed
so now they're raising polliwogs.

PIOUS ME
No smokes or drinks, I'm so well behaved,
a former sinner, I was much depraved.
Now, I am quite a saint,
but a rich man, I aint,
so where is all that sin money I saved?

CHEERS
On this dandelion growing day,
keep all my gloomy friends away
unless I can brighten
or maybe just lighten
their blues with a springtime bouquet.

SMARTER NO
Now I have grown so very wise
so that I can safely criticize
those smarter than me
who turn out to be,
so dumb if good sense applies.

GOOD CHOICE
The T-Party should want Donald Trump
who really knows how and who to hump.
If he is elected
his statue erected
pigeons pooping will know where to dump.

CELEBRATION
Waking in pain may not seem great
but I don't curse my distressed fate
since that's proof I live
which really does give
a glorious reason to celebrate.

WHO LOSES
I've turned quite old, my back is bent
but I remain a literary gent.
I'm ignored by the crowd
yet continue unbowed
but puzzle on where my good lines went.

TOUGH DUTY
A man who reported the news,
was stuck with T-party views
while forced to work for Fox
the news men's worst pox
which drove the poor man to booze!

EVOLUTION
Creation's cause is quite plain to me,
that some kindly God made gravity
then stood back resigned
for he had designed
a world quite short of humanity.

COURT THEM NICE
A fellow whose voice is quite grating
fails when it comes to gal mating.
The girls that men meet
want words soft and sweet,
that last beyond their first dating.

THINK BEFORE TALKING
Statesmen must use the right word
when people's emotions are stirred.
Meanings left to guess
leave message a mess
and only double talk is heard.

A WASTED PRAYER
I pray for those who risk death's toll,
setting off on a downtown stroll.
All Americans now dwell,
in a gun harassed Hell,
but won't vote for sane gun control.

EVOLUTION
Creation's cause is so plain to me,
that some kindly God made gravity
then stood back resigned
for he had just designed
a world lacking real humanity.

TOO PROUD TO CRY
Our son is handsome, I'm sure of that,
not too skinny and not too fat,
and he is somewhat rich
so I should never bitch
that he is not a democrat.

EEYUHH!
A cat-owner made a mistake
mixing up a Devil's food cake
which included cat litter
from her little shitter
whicht stank when it began to bake.

WINTER PARADE
Our house full of decrepit crickets
marching through as relentless pickets,
their reasons unfold,
outside, its too cold,
they want southbound airline tickets!

DEFICIT REDUCTION
The GOP will end our worry,
and they will be judge and jury.
Unemployed are at fault
when payments, they halt
those loafers will starve in a hurry.

WHO RULES
I love my home in Arkansas
but now, my state has one great flaw
turning so GOP
we likely will see
Fox Network writing our state's law.

PRIORITY
Republicans say no to radio
NPR funds would better go
to Rupert Murdocks net
where taxpayers would get
to feed Glenn Becks giant ego.

FINAL TESTAMENT
Morticians charge tremendous cash
turning loved ones to buried trash.
Cardboard coffin for me
for mourners to last see
the body I want turned to ash.

AWAKE
Waking in pain may not seem great
but I won't my ordained fate
since that's proof I live
which really does give
a glorious reason to celebrate.

ADD A LINE CONTEST
Today we turn back our Nation's clock
and voters should really take stock
for the T-party turn
will force us to learn
(how to deal with sticker shock.) mine

GEOGRAPHY QUIZ
Now what was I planning to do?
MY last word wrote should be a clue.
But why would I write down
such a silly named town,
like that city named Kalamazoo?

LIMERICK CREDO:
Limericks are my favorite toy,
and crafted well, they bring me joy
to hear word melody,
in crafted prosody,
never written to just annoy.

A TERMINATION PLAN
No Undertaker for widow Tuft,
Interment plans, she quick rebuffed.
Her man won't be missed,
since her taxidermist
had her dead hubby tanned and stuffed.

NO SURPRISE
She's part Chow they said at the Pound
but mostly Lab was what we found
until we sit to eat
and there at our feet,
campaigns a genuine chow hound.

LOSING GRACEFULLY
You give your all, its not enough
and failure makes you kind of gruff
you try hard to smile,
to hide your dark guile
and come up with trickier stuff.

OBESITY DINING
Avoid each dangerous cafe
highlighting the endless buffet
where customers stuff
much more than enough
getting more for what they pay.

FOOLING THE CLOCK
A gal who looked young for her years
Was challenged by most of her peers.
How come, you look so nice
were you packed in dry ice,
all ageing was stopped, it appears.

TODAY'S VOCABULARY LESSON
She said see my new furbelow
but I was too stupid to know
that ruffles she meant
when downward I bent,
and said "Your curly hairs don't show."

POLAR MONSTERS
Palin makes me shudder and think
why this creature must always wink.
She always tells lies,
not batting her eyes,
While all of us in horror blink!

Folks who shuffle off to Buffalo
thought that shuffle was a way to go
but found that it means
severe winters scene
and they will shuffle lots of snow.

Seattle can be loads of fun
with something there for everyone
clean water, tall trees,
grand mountains, blue seas
but don't come here in search of sun.

The folks who live in Baltimore
all brag about their ocean shore.
Stay in good humor
its not a rumor
that crabs are what their famous for.

Hunting Eden, I restless roam
I know for sure it's south of Nome.
Tampa's too hot,
a safe place it's not,
I guess I'll just stay here at home.

A fellow who loved doing tricks
wove baskets from green willow sticks
and the tirck he could do
was hide contents from view
of the watching fair going hicks.

With each poetic endeavor,
I try to make sense yet never
quit rhyming each line
with ageless design
so readers won't doubt that I'm clever!

A werewolf who lived in a cave
loved ladies he dug from a grave.
They never said no
or moved to and fro,
nor asked him to shower or shave.

Nomads must envy the spider
whose needs, her web can provider
and off on a trip,
she won't need a grip
her household is all packed insider.

A computer's great when it works
despite the gremlin that lurks
inside each hard disk,
compounding the risk,
we'll suffer from its spiteful quirks.

If you would trace your family tree,
be braced to find some strange debris.
Years long ago past
when manners were cast,
We're related to the chimpanzee.

State run Lotteries are seedy
that victimize the most needy
who hopeless, must try,
for prize, do or die,
which lowers the tax of the greedy.

If you provoke our president,
you face his Texas regiment,
whose too eager forces
ride in on wood horses,
and leave us to clean their excrement.

When all is writ, and truth be shown
Each of us have some wild oats sown.
When we judge others,
Sisters and Brothers,
those with no sin, can cast first stone

Man is wise we foolish pretend
He is so dumb his reign will end
We cut down the trees
and poison the seas
and lose good air from warming trend

Most children we have taught to read
but those who can't will not succeed
and that cost is more
than schools we ignore,
we build more jails to fill that need!

If we have the perfect system,
Why then these faults, let us list'em
Poor sleep in our street
with nothing to eat
Those are the facts but we twist'em "

No warning signs or whistle
to signal an oncoming missile
It's nuclear flash
Turns treasure to ash!
Life blown-off like down from a thistle!

I do not kill maliciously
When I react instinctively,
with no trace of hate
to obliterate
Mosquitoes who choose to sample me!

His cape was placed to deflect the bull
No damage was expectable
But the bull with a grin
Said, "This time I win,
cuz you do not respect the bull

Dachau's statue is erected
for thousands of Jews selected.
But Germans, that score
Was millions or more.
Has guilt, your count affected?

The GOP set precedent
and their intent seems evident
They must favor dope,
turned legal, I hope
Look at who they named President!

OUR NATIONAL DEBT
George Bush had the brash audacity
To push tax cut mendacity
Ignoring the day
our children must pay.
It's no skin off his ass, you see

NEW NUCLEAR PLANTS?
Chernobyls atoms stilll collect
In oceans where all lands connect
Will the lie arrive
that we can survive
nuclear waste and its affect.

Lifelong it's goodness we measure
To feel pain we must know pleasure
for aging will bring
Death's ultimate sting,
but sting, where is thy treasure?

HUBBEL
They've put a telescope in space
to see if there's an alien race,
perhaps looking back, our follies to track,
hoping to see one friendly face.

DO YOU KNOW HIM
This boy was short on social graces,
friendships he foolish displaces,
Ignoring each cue,
for please and thank you,
so parents he rashly disgraces.

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